the lost gift of giving

I used to be, like, THE best gift giver. Back in the day, everything I picked was right - unique, personal, a demonstration of the fact that I really knew the person I was giving to. They were the kind of gifts no one else really thought about, but everyone, deep down, would want.

Then something happened. It seems to have coincided with my return to Canada from Korea five years ago (where every gift was an event because of the cool cultural distinction). Either I used up my power of discernment/good taste/creativity, or else I just don't know people like I used to. Or all the perfect gifts have been found, I've covered all the basis and now there's nothing left to give. Or, even more likely, my "gift" for giving has gone to my head and I've weighed myself down with the emphasis on perfection and IT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON ME IN THE STORE!!

Whatever it is, I'm in a gift giving slump.

I was plagued by this today, as I flitted from specialty shop to specialty shop looking for THE best-ever wedding gift for some friends that are getting married this weekend. Add to the challenge the fact that they already have everything, including the coolest decor, and definite ideas on style.

While I was at it, I thought I'd keep an eye open for a friend who's birthday passed by in July. Since she lives a ways from here, I want to send an entire birthday package, which by its nature includes more than one thing. I have several things already. What's missing is a focus - the main event. There has to be a main event in terms of packages or else it's like taking a picture with someone's head cut off.

I found nothing. Nothing for Shazza and Dean, and nothing for Dionne. I did find a great, handcrafted ring at Funk-tion-al ($21), a small cabinet at Tangerine Trading Company (on sale half price for $100!!) and a gorgeous painting at The Water Garden for $130 . . . for me, I mean. No, I didn't buy them (yet). That would be a-moral.

I did shop that way, once, in Korea. I was in the Garden Department Store, looking for a gift for my brother-in-law, when I spied this really gorgeous, Art Nouveau style Ichinoo belt. I bought it, and had no money left for Rob, who ended up going giftless. I still can't wear that belt, to this day, though I do admire it whenever I see it hanging in my closet. Perhaps I should gift it (maybe even to Rob).

Anyway, the lesson I've learned in all of this is to buy gifts right away, as soon as you see something cool. Then tuck it in the magic gift closet until a birthday or Christmas - or live spontaneously and give it right then and there. An un-birthday present. Why not?

I think Denys Finch-Hatton (Out of Africa) had it right in his approach to giving: generous throughout the year but don't expect anything birthdays or Christmas. It's more meaningful, in a way, to give that way instead of when you're "required" to. It's also more fun.

Of course, that doesn't help me with Shannon and Dean. I have three more days left, and not a lot of time. Eh bien, that's what registries are for, I suppose. Sometimes it's better to just give something (anything!) than to hold off because you don't have "the best."