before i was a mother

Hello?? Is anyone still out there? Does anyone even check this site anymore? Not that I had an abundance of readers - only a handful even knew it was here.

It's been a busy five months since Oliver came along, magnified by a move at the end of August, and trying to fit work in whenever and wherever I can (between Facebook hits, natch). To say that things have changed would be an understatement.

Which leads me to today's post. Several months ago, my church threw a baby shower for me (actually, for Oliver). As part of the "entertainment," they made me read the following verse aloud. It was a cruel trick. It starts out playful, and I was having fun with it, but then suddenly it takes a serious, sentimental twist, and after everything we went through with Oliver that first week after he was born, I totally choked when it got to the part about holding down a screaming child so doctors can do tests. Unable to carry on AND maintain composure, the shower hostess passed it off to Kelly (my sister) to finish - and she, too, choked (but bravely forged on nonetheless). Out in the audience, I even saw my mum dabbing at her eyes.

I made Kyle read it this evening, replacing "mom" with "dad," to see if he would have the same response - which he didn't. So either mothers are more sentimental or I'm just a wuss. Anyway, here it is:

Before I Was A Mother

Before I was a Mom - I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late
I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom -
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Spit on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests. Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure
all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
The joy,
The love,
The heartache,
The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

-Unknown