Hello?? Is anyone still out there? Does anyone even check this site anymore? Not that I had an abundance of readers - only a handful even knew it was here.
It's been a busy five months since Oliver came along, magnified by a move at the end of August, and trying to fit work in whenever and wherever I can (between Facebook hits, natch). To say that things have changed would be an understatement.
Which leads me to today's post. Several months ago, my church threw a baby shower for me (actually, for Oliver). As part of the "entertainment," they made me read the following verse aloud. It was a cruel trick. It starts out playful, and I was having fun with it, but then suddenly it takes a serious, sentimental twist, and after everything we went through with Oliver that first week after he was born, I totally choked when it got to the part about holding down a screaming child so doctors can do tests. Unable to carry on AND maintain composure, the shower hostess passed it off to Kelly (my sister) to finish - and she, too, choked (but bravely forged on nonetheless). Out in the audience, I even saw my mum dabbing at her eyes.
I made Kyle read it this evening, replacing "mom" with "dad," to see if he would have the same response - which he didn't. So either mothers are more sentimental or I'm just a wuss. Anyway, here it is:
Before I Was A Mother
Before I was a Mom - I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late
I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mom -
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Spit on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests. Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure
all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
The joy,
The love,
The heartache,
The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.
-Unknown
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5 comments:
Yes, someone is still reading your blog. And yes, one might be given to wonder how people can make an informed choice on whether or not to have children when they have not experienced the feelings that go along with actually having children. You simply cannot imagine what you have not experienced! You cannot go by how other people's kids are, because yours are different. Other people's kids are brats but yours are angels! Anyway, that was a cute reading! Enjoy your angel!
Another fan of your blog here (you can make it automatically show up on your facebook profile, you know, your blog)...
Standing up for the dads, whereas I must admit to having become much more sensitive (maybe even sentimental) since becoming a father, and admittedly being touched by the words - I soldiered through without a tear.
Part of that can be explained, I suppose, by the fact that I was reading it silently in my office and the door was not closed; however, I am quite certain that there is a bond between mother and child that us dads can only start to get a glimpse of.
I read your blog now and then and keep Victor a bit up to date (who never reads anyones blogs.. ;-)
Must admint the poem brought tears to my eyes...especially the love you have for your children - the stranges thing is how you feel it so strongly with the first and then it is just as strong when the second comes along, and third.. :-)
It all makes you so very vunerable and at the same time so strong - an interesting, strange and wonderful paradox.
Wish you all the best with your family!
Thank you Torbjorn, Gry and Anonymous (whoever you are) for hanging in there. Funny how you check in on my blog periodically and I never knew and I check both of yours now and then and you would have no clue (thanks to Amanda's links). Anyway, it's true that parenthood opens up a whole raft of emotions I never knew were in me. But as for mothers having a bond that dads can only start to glimpse, I think it works both ways. Sometimes Oliver connects with Kyle in ways that almost leave me jealous and I can only assume it's that father-son thing. It's beautiful to behold.
No tears yet.
Four weeks to go.
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